Holes

she punches my eye blue
a toe nail, storing clotted blood
remains black for months
after she drops a heavy vessel
on it

the reflex to strike back
that I never tamed
and always gave back to the world
I now withhold with caution

count, breathe, seethe. don't act
she doesn't know it hurts,
sees me in pain and hugs me
still confused about what she did
it is always a game for her

yet, when all hell breaks loose
for the umpteenth time
after I have, in a low sincere voice
tried to explain
she still refuses to listen

the physical force of her body
overpowers me,
flailing limbs land hurtful kicks
punches make my arms give way

I bite my lower lip,
make big eyes, hold her arm
and place a carefully weighed
whack on her behind
with a third of the force
I feel inside

rage boils over, a moment
of regained control sears holes
in me and in her
that may take a lifetime to heal

01.06.2020

Published in The Alipore Post as 3 poems on Motherhood on 17/02/2021

https://www.thealiporepost.com/post/3-poems-on-motherhood-by-pooja-ugrani