Ankush Rakela

 1.

 My paycheque overshadows my worldview

I cannot afford to voice my opinion

I squirm in the comfort of shutting up for my loved ones

My safety net wasn't woven that dense

 

2.

 A peek into a larger world,

I am pulled back by the ankush

of check marks against my name on a society list.

I was taught to fear instability,

to remain afloat and not cause ripples

 

I was also taught to use a lot of words

as any woman should in a male dominated world.

 

A wrinkle-free everyday

thanks to privilege

where any reaching out

is read as an act of pity

 

3.

 I flex and the air around you shrinks

I am convex when I stand in the crowd-

entitled space, I was meant to occupy

even before I was born -

 

Quick to reach the counter at my local shop

I am concave as I bow down

to education and intelligence

inert happy, inside a bubble 

not wanting to interact with the outside

 

I fuse instead with the father of my child

we parent together, or make love.

 

4.

 I am an umbrella over the ones I protect

and a bucket when I receive

These identities where I take your space

and you take mine

 

intersect

 

5.

 When I was seven, I touched Rakela

who worked in our fields

Amma had asked me to give her a glass of water 

She swept it away

fearfully, inevitably saying,

the child doesn't know.